When you are writing, it is best to paint a picture. Writing is an art; so you have liberty with your words to express what you will, but it is important to remember that there is an attentive audience. What do you want your audience to see? What feelings are you conveying? What message are you trying to get across? There’s no facial expression or voice intonation, so everything you want your audience to know and feel has to be written with your choice of words.
Let’s look at a few sentences: “After Shanon’s mother scolded her for not cleaning the kitchen, she quietly walked away.” Let’s dress this sentence: “After Shanon’s angry mother scolded her vehemently for not cleaning the kitchen, Shanon walked away without one word.” Ok, we added a little action here, on the mother’s end. It makes the audience think that something more is going on here with the mother. We can play with this sentence and dress it down a bit and place the action with Shanon: “After Shanon’s mother scolded her for not cleaning the kitchen, Shanon’s pursed lips indicated her obstinate attitude as shestormed out of the room.” As you can see, we can paint a variety of pictures with the same sentence, by adding a little description.
One more sentence: The rain fell, and the tears flowed. Without any changes, this sentence conveys quite a bit of emotion. Let’s give it a whirl: “The rain fell against the car window, and a tear flowed gently down Demi’s check.”
So what do you think? What else can you do with this sentence? Take some time and send me a few rewritten sentences or originals in comments.